Something we can all take a little from…

I first heard this poem read out at the development course I recently took part in. I’ve just remembered about it, and have chosen to share it, not just because it’s poetry week this week, but because I think it’s something that whatever your state of mind, whatever you are trying to discover about yourself, or life, I think we can all take something away from these words.

Autobiography in five chapters.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost… I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson

Letting someone else drive

Well, not literally, because I think I am quite possibly *the worlds worst* passenger. When it comes to being in a car with someone else driving then it only works when I’m drunk, because then I’m not thinking rationally or paying any attention to what’s going on.

That point aside though, what I’m talking about are those driver behaviours of mine.

Quite a lot has been going on personally of late, and usually I’d be the first person saying, that it has been some good some bad.

Today I’m not going to. Today I am going to say that yes, there has been one bad thing to happen of late, but it’s one of those freak of nature can’t do anything about it things, so it doesn’t count.

Everything else, has been good.

And I mean really good.

I am remarkably surprised at the sneaky and surreptitious way that acknowledging and understanding my behaviour drivers has begun to change the way I think. It feels like someone is gradually lifting a tonne weight off my shoulders.

I am almost carefree.

Now don’t get me wrong. I still have lots of times when I am enthralled to my automatic behaviours.

However.

More often than not when something happens now, I’ve stopped reacting, instead I’m acting. I am choosing to modify my actions away from those that I would normally follow instinctively and to do something far more beneficial instead.

It is incredibly liberating, and I like it.

Who’s driving?

“Spring forward is a programme of individual personal development for men and women that can affect your life as a whole; you work, your relationships and the community in which you live and, if you want it to, the world.  As the name implies, it aims to propel you forward from where you are now to where you know you want to be or to where you don’t yet imagine you will be in the future.”

I had to attend the above Spring Forward course this week as part of my day job, and as I didn’t want to go, but was told I must, I took along with me my usual companions scepticism and cynicism, who enjoyed the first day immensely with it’s plethora of cheery catchphrases and positive platitudes.  Fortunately for me however, by lunchtime on day two they had both got bored and decided to bugger off, leaving me to spend the last part of the course and the next few days reflecting on the things that were said, and the activities in which we partook, and I found that there were some quite useful little snippets in there after all.

The biggest best thing to come out of the course for me has been recognising my ‘drivers’, those innate behaviours that shape the way I work and interact with people. Recognising and understanding these drivers, has helped me to appreciate where they serve me well, and where they cause me difficulty, so I can if necessary and where possible, amend my behaviour in order to obtain a successful outcome.

Be strong

Characteristics

• Stoic, phlegmatic, plods on and on
• Doesn’t give up easily
• Appears calm and doesn’t seem worried
• Seldom asks for help
• Props up projects by working hard

Need to

• Learn how to ask for help and be heard
• Tap into their own feelings and express them
• Recognise that others may have the energy, time, skills, knowledge: qualities that they need
• Be open about showing vulnerability

Please People

Characteristics

• Prime motivation is to put other people’s needs first
• Say ‘yes’ to everything!
• Affected by other peoples behaviour and may think they are responsible for other people’s feelings
• Do helpful things for others without checking out what the other person needs
• May smile a lot even if it doesn’t reflect what is going on inside
• End up tired and upset because people don’t do the same for them  (How can they as they haven’t said what they need)

Need to

• Learn to say ‘no’
• Be aware of own needs, express them and learn how to meet them
• Become independent
• Check out what others need or want and not make assumptions
• Learn how to take constructive feedback

Being Strong and Pleasing People are my two most dominant drivers.  This week alone at work just being able to recognise some of my behaviours in these areas have really helped me to understand and deal with my own feelings regarding the behaviour of an idiot in the office.

Now to apply some of the other things I’ve learned to my writing practices!